Death Can't Buy You Happiness
by Louise Malfoy
Summary: Charmed; Death Can't Buy You Happiness But Happiness Can Buy You Death
1. Smile and Say Die

Body 

**Charmed; Death Can't Buy You Happiness But Happiness Can Buy You Death**

"Hey Paige, have you read this?" Piper asked her younger sister, 

"Read what?" Paige replied, helping herself to one of Piper's freshly baked muffins whilst hopping around on the cold tiled kitchen floor. "This." Piper thrust the newspaper she was holding under her sister's nose. "Say what?" came another voice, and Phoebe walked into the room, yawning and with a questioning look upon her face. She sat herself down on the wooden chair next to Piper. Paige picked up the newspaper, "Smile and Say Die" she said,

"Wow, sounds like some joyful news today!" Phoebe joked as she smoothed out her jumper and leaned forward onto her arms. "Erm, Phoebe?" said Piper, "This really isn't anything to joke about."  
"Another Demon attack?" guessed Phoebe, rolling her eyes. Paige coughed and looked sternly at her sister. "Smile and Say Die. Following on from a triple murder case last week, there hasn't yet been any clues as to who the suspect could be,"  
"Yeh yeh yeh," muttered Phoebe, "Heard it all before,"  
"However," continued Paige, "At the scene of all three crimes (27th, 28th and 29th November) a small knife was the only clue left behind and the police are lead to believe that these murders happened for a reason."

"A small knife," commented Phoebe, putting her brown hair carefully behind her ear, "That sounds all too familiar," she looked at Piper, "You thinking what I'm thinking?" Piper nodded,

"An athame," she said. "Carry on Paige." Paige scanned the paper to find out where she had left off,

"After consulting the families of the three victims in hope of finding an incentive for the murder the police and FBI have become even more confused. All families stated that their 'victim' had no problems and was one of the happiest people they knew. The case will be updated as soon as any more information is gathered." Paige paused, "Gee, that sucks," she said. "Who would want to murder anyone like that? This is seriously weird." Piper looked at her sisters nervously,  
"What do you reckon we should do?"  
"How about we call Leo?" Paige suggested, "LE-"  
"Shhhhh," Phoebe and Piper cried in unison, Phoebe stuffing her hand over Paige's mouth, "Leo is not the answer to everything, we can do this ourselves."  
"OK then," said Paige, "Let's consult the book,"  
"Good plan Paige, good plan," Phoebe said gently, patting her sister on the shoulder as she got up to head off to the attic.

Moments later the three sisters were gathered around a large book in the highest room of the house, Piper frantically flicking through the pages. "Any luck?" Paige said,  
"No," worried Piper, flicking faster. Paige and Phoebe stepped over to the sofa and sat down, unable to bear a minute longer of Piper's desperation. Suddenly the pages of the book began to turn, so fast that is caused Piper to jump backwards in surprise and land on an old box full of junk. As soon as it had started it stopped, and Piper heaved herself upwards. "Hey," she said, "Look," she pointed towards the Book of Shadows, her sisters hurried over to join her. Right in front of them was the exact page they were looking for. "Thanks Grams!" Phoebe shouted to the ceiling before pushing Paige out of the way and leaning over the book. "Kiera Demons," she read, "Manipulative creatures with personal agendas who can morph to look like anything and anyone. They attack witches with active powers. They are most likely to succeed with an attack when their victim is at their happiest."  
"Ah ha!" Piper exclaimed, "So that explains it! You know, all the families saying the victims were the happiest people in the world." Phoebe took a step backwards,  
"What?" queried Piper,  
"Oh well you know, if these demons can morph into anything, how do I know you're not one?" she eyed Piper suspiciously, "  
Oh come off it Phoebe," her sister replied, "Anyhow, the book says that only witches with active powers get attacked, your power is passive remember?"  
"Oh yeh!" Paige exclaimed, laughing loudly, "You don't need to worry do you!"  
"Paige!" cried Piper, "Be quiet! You could be attacked at any minute! From now on, this house must remain sad and depressing!"

* * *

Please review if you can, comments and criticism is most welcome! Thanks! 


	2. Sit back, relax and look sad

Body Paige in the conservatory, a cup of tea in one hand and the other glued onto the remote control, staring vividly at the TV in front of her. She took a sip of tea, turned to check the time and then carried on watching. Just then Piper walked into the room, her long dark hair cascading over her shoulders and her hands on her hips. "Phoebe!" she hissed. Phoebe ignored her, "Phoebe!" Piper tried again. Her sister flinched and turned sleepily towards her. "Yes?" she replied, raising an eyebrow.

"What do you think you're doing?" Piper continued, waving her finger at the TV. Phoebe looked confused, "Erm, cleaning the bathroom?" she tried.

"No!" exclaimed Piper, "What are you doing! You are watching TV when I specifically told you not to!" she grabbed the remote off her little sister and changed the channel.

"The Horror Channel?" questioned Phoebe, "Piper you hate this channel, you said it makes you feel creepy,"  
"Yeh I remember that too," murmured Paige as she walked in the room and placed herself gently on the corner of the sofa, smoothing her white T-shirt. "Phoebe? I think it's part of her 'plan'" Paige looked at her sister accusingly,

"What have I done now!" whined Phoebe, "And what plan?"  
"You know, the house has to be depressing and sad plan," reminded Paige.  
"Exactly," said Piper, "Watching the Disney Channel will make you too happy!"  
"But Piper, you said only active powered witches could be attacked" commented Phoebe,

"Yes, but your happiness may wear off onto us two!" Paige coughed,  
"Paranoid" she muttered.

"Anyway that is not why I came down here and I am not paranoid!" Piper reached into her pocket and pulled out three pieces of black cloth. "Err what are they for?" asked Paige,  
"Part of the plan," said Piper proudly, "You will each need to wear a tie around your mouth to prevent you from smiling, laughing, grinning, giggling or looking remotely happy." She smiled at her idea. Phoebe sighed, but took the piece of cloth from her sister anyway and tied it around her mouth. "Happy now?" she mumbled.

"Right, I called the satellite man this morning, he's coming later this afternoon to remove all the TV channels, except the Horror Channel. Leo said he'd come along later to help remove some of the pictures and flowers from around the house and I personally cut the phone line this morning so we can't get and happy phone calls. All you have to do is sit back, relax and look sad!" With that Piper turned on her heels and marched out of the room.

"Geez," sighed Paige, "What is up with her? Anyhow, I gotta go, the shelter will be expecting me." She pulled off her gag and stuffed it under the chair cushion. Phoebe opened her mouth,

"Shhhh," whispered Paige, holding a finger to her lips. Phoebe closed her mouth shut again, Paige thought she resembled a fish but restrained herself from giggling. "I won't be gone long," she told her sister, "and make sure you stay unhappy! Oh and if you find anything out about where to find the Kiera Demons, just give me a holler on my cell phone. Hopefully Piper hasn't cut them off as well." She winked at Phoebe then left the room. Phoebe listened to the door closing then lay back in her chair, her arms flopping over the sides. She felt the coaster on the table next to her and rubber her fingers over the face imprinted into it. Suddenly Phoebe was jerked forwards, her eyes forced shut and her head span. Before her she could see a young woman dressed in white, her back towards her. She was holding a bunch of flowers and was dancing joyfully across the room to the dressing table. Phoebe could see an athame below her and she was slowly moving towards this woman. The woman turned round, it was Paige! The athame was shoved forwards forcefully and straight into Paige's chest. Phoebe was helpless. As soon as it had begun the premonition was over. Phoebe screamed, "Piper!" she yelled, "We need to get to the shelter fast! Call Leo!"

Thanks for reading, sorry for the v short chapters, Ive decided Im going to make this a short story rather than a long, dragging on, endlessly boring one! Please R&R! 


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